OZFellalivinginMN

It takes two to school the kids

2012-01-22T19:05:00.001-06:00

One to organize and do it.. The other to oversee and capture it.

Not a PYJAMA Party

2011-09-16T08:19:00.000-05:00

Well 2 days ago I started with my first class of Jiu-Jitsu at American Top Team. Being my first lesson is mixed with other levels of students, I figured it wouldnt be a bad idea to learn the basics, but the class is mixed with a variety of belt levels.

The first lesson was torture.. The first lap around the mat jogging I thought my lungs would explode! Jogging on hard floors is one thing but on a soft wrestling mat it seems to make the task a little harder. We then circled up and counted off 10 crunches each, while we only count 10 each.. it is still each.. so everyone does them as someone else counts off... let me state there was at least 20 people in that class... yes.. 200+ crunches .. I havent done a crunch (yet alone any major physical exercise for 5yrs), then we did the scissor kicks (the ones where your hands go under your butt and you lift and hold your feet off the ground scissor kicking)... again a 10 count each...

I could have swam off the mat through my sweat to get a drink of water. Yes I was getting a workout...

Please note this was the first 15mins of an hour long class...

The next stage of this nightmare was when the 6ft2in 260+ pound guy named Sue.... ok really his name is Bill, with a blue belt, looks at me and says.. "You are about my size !! (SIZE??? Dude I know I could lose some weight but you better mean Height or I am going to open up a can of..... lay there and get worked) we can grapple!!!"

Turns out it was ok... he is 53 yrs old in 2weeks so I had to take it easy on him... But really he is a super nice guy. His wife and 2 teenage daughters do the same class. Bill takes his time to walk me through some things and teach me some extra things along teh way.. (he is a Black Belt in Karate and Tae Kwon Do) and a blue belt in JiuJitsu and has been doing this stuff for 14yrs I believe he said...

Bill told me the other night (my 4th class) that I have already improved amazingly, my stamina has increased (I used to tap about 2mins into grappling) now it takes 3mins hahaha... Really though I had Bill stuck for about 3mins the other night and he admitted he didnt know what to do with how I had control with him... the problem was I didnt know what to do next as 1. Id never been able to stop Bill 2. this was my 4th class EVER!! So we were sat in grappling mode in a stuck in deadlock with each other... until I tired and he got his arms free... rolled me and tapped me.. hahaha

I am hoping to get enough $$ together as Royce Gracie (UFC Legend) is coming to our school and you can get 2 days of class time with him.... I must also mention that our school is a Gracie Jiu-Jitsu school, a style developed by Royce's Father....

Good news is in 3 lessons I had lost around 14 pounds... Obviously the eating better has helped too... Oats is a great natural body cleanser...

Also we signed up our 3 oldest kids.. KIDS MMA. it started with trying to find something for Jentzen to help him learn self control and confidence... the others wanted in.. (while I kind of feel bad that he didnt get his OWN thing to do it is a life long investment... Football, hockey etc are fun sports but why spend butt loads of money and time investing into your kids when they have a 1% chance of making it big in sport... Jiu_Jitsu however will always be something they know or can do)....

This picture has got to be one of my favorites... I am glad I caught it...

My Daily Grind

2011-09-16T07:48:00.000-05:00

So school has started back up, its my first quarter of my final year. When I am finished I will hold 2 A.A.S. Degrees... yes TWO!! A guy who hated school growing up is in his 3rd year of school in his mid 30s (ok late 30's)

So daily I stand near this machine with Nate Roske and try to figure out how NOT to ruin a $40,000+ milling machine...

Here are a few pictures of stuff...

My work mill
My toolbox
Current program/job - make soft jaws

Suspense & Surprises

2011-07-30T21:32:00.000-05:00

So today my good friend and I surprised our wives with a day of adventure... well the day wasnt the surprise but the events of the day were what was... they had no clue what we were doing to or for them this day...

Deb had previously blogged regarding the upcoming date day...

http://justthetwoofus.typepad.com/just_the_two_of_us/2011/07/leaving-us-in-suspense.html

So the day started with Wayne picking Karen up at around 7am and taking her and his wife (Deb) to a Nail Spa place thing in Plymouth where they were given a Manicure & Pedicure treatment.. we asked if they had a rabies-cure treatment but alas.. they didnt...

I stayed home and watched the children... aka slept till around 8:15am until one of them (usually Keira or Ava) wandered in asking to eat...

Then I met the rest of the party back at Wayne and Deb's house in Chaska where we transformed the ladies from their Mall cruising outfits, to a more safety conscious bike riding outfit.... ok we made them put shoes and a helmet on.. and I asked Karen to wear jeans as the denim mini may distract tooooo many other drivers and we may die... she is the hotness after-all....

After we finished taking pics, we jumped on our bikes... and took a 1hr or so cruise around Lake Minnetonka and the various lake roads towards the next surprise.. the best part of the day.. my part!!

this is the route for the most part...

View Larger Map

Then we ended up here... Icon Theater in St Louis Park...

First stop,... the Bistro where we ordered some drinks and some light lunch

At Icon you can sign up (free) for VIP membership and then reserve.. YES RESERVE your seating up in the balcony VIP section 21+ only... woot woot... (you can reserve your seats on the normal level too - sweet concept)

View from above.. sorry bad cell pic...

Light Lunch previously ordered... the chicken burger things were amazing.. I was tempted to go back for more...

My baby ordered some pizzas thing... it was... different!!!

We saw Cowboys and Aliens... it was A-ight... as they say around the St Louis Park area... ok maybe a little south of that particular area... but there was 2 options for the VIP section.. this movie or some stupid one about a guy whos wife cheats on him so he goes out and does whatever I guess.. Steve Carroll.. so yeah DUMB.. and not really the particular theme we were aiming for by spoiling our ladies... I thought the movie was 3D so needless to say when it wasnt I was a little pis..... upset... but the chicken burgers.. did I say how good they were...?!?!?

After the movie we jumped back on the bikes... no cruise, just a straight highway drive back to the Hardison Manor where the ladies played Dr Mario, Wayne took my bike for a ride and I well....

Made room for dinner................... NO I TOOK A NAP ON THEIR COUCH!!! not a dump!

So then Dinner it was... We took the gals to Suzettes south of Jordan.. Amazing food for a dinky little diner on the side of the Highway... the Chef had turned down a job as the Head Chef of the Sofitel chain or something years back as they wanted to dictate his cooking too much, so he started this little restaurant..

Banrith was one of my customers back when I owned Meineke... A very gentle, joyful Cambodian man who escaped a hard life by moving to the States and is living a dream... Seriously if you want to try some fine dining with exceptional food then I recommend this place... Banrith hand makes all his sauces, puddings, etc... no bottled or microwave crap here... the prices are a little higher than a theme/chain restaurant, but the first bite you take you wont care...

Wayne can be particular about his food.. and he knows his food.. (Wayne knows food) He said he didnt want the Caesar salad and we convinced Deb to try it.. they both stopped short of licking the bowl after... and the desserts... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

So all in all it was a success.. we pulled it off... Shame Karen left in a car about tonight on a road trip with her sisters to visit their brother Bob in Colorado or I wouldnt have had to settle for the cherry from my dessert to complete a perfect day... hehe

Overall... fun day with great friends and the perfect wife... then I get to come home and hang with my amazing kids while Karen is gone.. I have a blessed life...

I had too...

Once Deb posts her blog I will link for her side of it and pictures...

(cant believe I beat her.. maybe she is busy 'thanking' Wayne...)

edit: finally she posted it 2 days later
Debs Version

My Boy

2011-05-15T00:39:00.001-05:00

Wow.. Today I have a 7yr old boy... Yeah I know yesterday he was 6 and 1 day is not a huge change but really.. He is a 5th of my age..

A few things about this kid..

Quaid has always had a spot in my heart... He is my first born... In old days that meant he got the biggest part of the inheritance... Which brings me to what does that mean... Most would think monetary or literal things... But my bigger concern is that I am giving him a greater inheritance... Am I investing the right things... Things that the world may think of as old fashioned or outdated...

Self control
Patience
Love
Grace
Wisdom
Maturity
Respect
Courtship (this one in another 8 years or so)
Old fashioned things like Yes Sir, Yes Maam, thank you and please, opening doors for people etc etc...

Funny thing is I look over that list and wonder how many of those things listed I am actually fit to teach any of my kids... I fail my kids often in many ways and they are so forgiving and it reminds me that each day is a new day to invest again...

Quaid is an amazing boy for a 7yr old... 2 yrs in a row he has won an award at his kids Awana class (like a youth group for kids)... He stacks the dishwasher everyday and is always absorbing information from everything... He has read like 2-3 book in the last week or so, and when I say books I am not talking Dr Suess but a book called Boxcar Children as an example.

Today he got a new bible and though some of the words even I struggle with, he still read thru it with gusto...

Deb gave him a Nintendo DS a while back that Karen won on Debs blog, but we didn't have games for it...

He hasn't asked about it or for it in like 2mths but last week when he was telling me how it was his birthday on Saturday he dropped some subtle hints about how he hoped he got a game for his DS... Well he got 3 games and although I think they may take a bit for him to play, when I went in to say goodnight he was onto his 3rd game...

He has really started to grasp the idea that he is like a hero to his Lil bro Jentzen, and this last week he has gone out of his way to teach/encourage Jentzen to ride his own bike without the training wheels.. In fact Jentzen now pops a little wheelie and can do skids like a dude....

Anyway... Quaid you are a delight to my heart, your spirit shines bright and your emotions you wear openly, which in your generation some may think is weak, but truly it is a rare trait and one I hope you carry as you grow to a man and raise your own family... I love you son and I am so honored to be your dad.

-- Post From My iPhone

Thoughts I ponder!

2011-03-22T21:13:00.000-05:00

Standing at work waiting for the process to finish.... And my mind wanders to things like this...

* I have two girls who will get married..... I'm gonna have to pay for that!!!

* When they get married will my family be able to come??? Can I afford to bring them over?

* Wait.... I have 3 gorgeous nieces... Bwahahah Anth has to pay for 3 weddings... Oh crap... That's 3 trips back home at $1-2K Per ticket and if we take all the kids that's 6 tickets each time... Sorry Nieces but God has called some to stay single...

* 2012 we plan to take a trip back to Australia... This time though we are looking at staying North of where I lived... 2hrs North.. So visiting old friends may not happen.. But I should shouldn't I?? Somedays I say why bother... Virtually none of them stay in touch with me as much as I don't with them!!! This one is still in the air!!!

* I may be good looking but Im fat... Hahaha yes I am at least one of those... And that is changing..

* I know I am getting old when it has taken me 4 weeks to mostly recover form falling in the Church parking lot... although I did it with such grace and style.. Shame no-one saw my effort... How do I know no-one did?? Because I jumped up so damn fast and moved to the side of my car, all while looking around to see if ANYONE saw... I was kinda torn on joy or sadness...

* How can I be better?? at everything... Being a Dad, a Husband, a friend, a Christian.... total sum of everything...

* How come I have all these Ideas but never the drive to accomplish them?

* How should I measure success... Look at my possessions?? because some would think I was super rich if that was the case.. but no I still want more and usually the things others have... toys toys toys.. my weakness (being cars, electronics, bikes etc)

* Do I really have No regrets in life?? I know I have some things I feel I could've handled better but do I regret anything?? cause after all I am who I am because of those things?!?!?! hmmmm maybe I do thinking deeper about things...

* Will I ever re-pursue the call of God on my life...??

* Will I ever be a good machinist?? Guess it starts where I am at now....!

* Will I ever live back in Australia with my family??? This is one that tears at my soul/ my heart/ my mind a lot!!

I am sure there are many more thoughts... but... another day..

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Me and my Buddy

2011-03-14T15:24:00.001-05:00

His name is Jentzen..

His nickname is Buddy...

Used to be called Dash (from the incredibles)

I love this kid.. He has such a soft heart.. Cares for people.. Loves to pray... And has a really really fun giggle...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Kids and things they say..

2011-03-14T15:19:00.001-05:00

Last night we had the Wingers over for dinner.. Jared is from New Zealand so I guess in a twisted way you can say we are comrades (Even though Aussies are better in every way)...

Anyway... We had all eaten dinner (4 adults and 8 kids) and it was dessert time.. The kids had theirs and were all playing in the toy room, when Lil Miss Keira comes climbing onto my lap trying to smooooze my apple crisp & ice-cream..

Me: You've already had dessert go away!

Keira: No I havent, I haven't had yours...

Then later as they were in bed and I was giving them a kiss good night,

Me: leaning in to kiss Keira

Keira: go away (pushing me off)

Me: that's kinda mean Keira

Keira: go away... PLEASE!!!

How does one argue with that logic from a 2 year old????

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The fairy and the Asylum Seeker

2011-01-28T09:08:00.000-06:00

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside the Welfare Offices.


'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told by Julia Gillard to grant you three wishes, since you've just arrived in Australia with your wife and seven children - all costs to be borne by the Australian Tax Payers.'

The man told the fairy:
'Well, in Sri Lanka where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.' The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -- PING !!! The Asylum Seeker had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two more wishes to go'.

The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant now got bolder. 'I need a big house with a three car garage on the Gold Coast with eight bedrooms - and a Gold Visa Card in each room -for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in Sri Lanka . I want to bring them all over here.

PING ! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, and a sparkling swimming pool and a BMW, full of his nephews playing their music.

'One more wish left for you', said the fairy, waving her wand..

The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant really decided to go for broke now and said "I want to be Australian with Australian clothes instead of the rags and shawl , and I want to have white skin like the Australians.'

PING ! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out Stubbies shorts, a dirty Bonds T-shirt and a greasy terry-towel hat.. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon. 'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed. 'Where is my new house? Where's my Visa Gold Card?'

The fairy said 'Tough luck. Now that you are Australian, you're entitled to sweet f*** all like the rest of us".

And she disappeared

Emma Arrives today

2011-01-24T07:55:00.001-06:00

Today Emma arrives from Australia for 10 days I believe of what one can only explain as a climate shock.

Yesterday I found a bunch of CDs with ok pictures from when I was her Youth Pastor back in Australia... Can't wait to poke fun of her when I show them to her hahaha

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Vegas - A Story for another time..

2010-12-09T14:31:00.000-06:00

So here are some vids

Bellagio Fountain

Nascar Event on Main Street

2010-11-27T16:29:00.000-06:00

Kids and their Ingenuity

2010-11-19T18:45:00.000-06:00

Kids sledding on the little hill out back

Quaid Sledding

Q&A Snowboarding on a piece of Siding...

Machine Class

2010-11-10T12:48:00.000-06:00

Well the last couple of weeks I have been using a Lathe. It has been fun. I just today finished of my hammer project. I think what is most fun about this course is you are making something that is useful, and will be used in your career. Unlike the stupid Project Management course that has wasted the last 2.5 months of my school life. Seriously... who uses Gantt charts??

here are some pictures of my hammer:

The handle and head are made of Stainless Steel. The inserts are made of Aluminum, Copper and Nylon.

Guess I need clearer pictures...

Project Management

2010-11-10T12:15:00.001-06:00

WHAT A WASTE OF MY TIME!!

only a few more weeks of this dumb class

A brilliant letter

2010-10-30T08:44:00.001-05:00

Thought you might like to read this letter
to the editor of a British national newspaper. Ever notice how some people
just seem to know how to write a letter?.
Written by a housewife, to her daily
newspaper. This is one ticked off lady.


'Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't
we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our
shores in July 2002, and in New York Sept 11/2001 and have continually
threatened to do so since?


Were people from all over the world, not
brutally murdered that day in London , and in downtown Manhattan , and in
a field in Pennsylvania ?

Did nearly three thousand men, women and
children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't
they?


And I'm supposed to care that a few
Taliban were claiming to be tortured by a justice system of the nation
they
come from and are fighting against in a brutal insurgency.


I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden
turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on
9/11 and 7/7.

I'll care about the Koran when the
fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere
belief of which is a crime punishable by beheading in Afghanistan


I'll care when these thugs tell the world
they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed
through
his gurgling slashed throat.


I'll care when the cowardly so-called
'insurgents' in Afghanistan come out and fight like men instead of
disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques and behind women and
children.


I'll care when the mindless zealots who
blow themselves up in search of Nirvana care about the innocent children
within range of their suicide bombs.

I'll care when the British media stops
pretending that their freedom of speech on stories is more important than
the lives of the soldiers on the ground or their families waiting at home
to hear about them when something happens.


In the meantime, when I hear a story about
a British soldier roughing up an Insurgent terrorist to obtain
information,
know this:


I don't care.


When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in
the head when he is told not to move because he might be
booby-trapped, you can take this to the bank:


I don't care.


When I hear that a prisoner - who was
issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and 'fed special food' that is paid for
by
my taxes - is complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you
can
absolutely believe in your heart of hearts:


I don't care.

And oh, by the way, I've noticed that
sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and other times 'Quran.' Well, believe me!!
you guessed it ......


I don't care!!


If you agree with this viewpoint, pass
this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the
people responsible for this ridiculous behaviour!


If you don't agree, then by all means hit
the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't
complain
when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great
country! And may I add:


'Some people spend an entire lifetime
wondering if they made a difference in the world.

Our soldiers don't have
that problem.'


I have another quote that I would like to
add, AND.......I hope you forward all this.


Only five defining forces have ever
offered to die for you:


1. Jesus Christ


2. The British Soldier.


3. The Canadian Soldier.


4. The US Soldier, and


5. The Australian Soldier


One died for your soul, the other 4 for
your freedom.




YOU MIGHT WANT TO PASS THIS ON, AS MANY
SEEM TO FORGET ABOUT ALL OF THEM.


AMEN!



GIVE THIS LADY A STANDING OVATION. 
SHE HAS INDEED TICKED ALL THE BOXES

I'm 63 and I'm Tired

2010-10-30T08:25:00.001-05:00

This should be required reading for every
man, woman and child in the United States of America , Canada and Australia
New Zealand .. 

"I'm 63 and I'm Tired"
By Robert A. Hall


I'm 63. Except for one semester in
college when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between
jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite
some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in
sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my
job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy,
there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired. 

I'm tired of being told that I have to
"spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of
being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if
necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it. 

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a
"Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim
men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of
Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian
and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for
girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of
Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah,
because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to. 

I'm tired of being told that out of
"tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money
to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America and
Canada, while no American nor Canadian group is allowed to fund a church,
synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance. 


I'm tired of being told I must lower my
living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts
have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the
damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and
stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? 

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes,
entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent
mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think
their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of
entitlement, rich or poor. 

I'm real tired of people who don't take
responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame
the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems. 

Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to
be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people
are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter. 

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam
veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

Now what??

2010-10-29T21:35:00.000-05:00

Now the family has returned to the Mother Land... NOW WHAT??

guess back to life as usual...

more posts to come soon with some pictures etc.. but meh.. no-one reads it anyways..

2010-10-02T21:11:00.000-05:00

Simeon.. sorry about the shaky viewing.. but its a phone video haha

Ava riding

2010-08-28T19:00:00.000-05:00

Ava attempted the fiddy bike again for the 2nd time....

A normal Update

2010-08-25T22:26:00.000-05:00

Well finally getting down the the finishing efforts on the weekend turned 3 month backyard playground make-over..

I guess we feel the pressure of getting things looking real nice and being safe for when my Sister and her family visit for almost 2months within the next 3 weeks.. I even cleaned up the pile of timber stacked against the house that has been there since we built it... upon doing this there was a huge and loud BUZZZZZZZZZZZING noise coming from under the pile.. yep a nest of carpenter bees that was about a foot round was sitting there.. The solution (little solution for every issue).. pour gasoline onto nest and light er up... then once 98% of them were burnt I proceeded over the next day or 2 to hunt down the remaining bees with a can (actually 2) of brake cleaner... no more bees... 1 of them did manage to fly into my nose and OOOOOUUUCH!!

Native bees that may be mistaken for bumblebees (left to right): blue-banded bee (10-14 mm long), great carpenter bee (13-18 mm long) and teddy bear bee (13-18 mm long).

So anyways I piled the wood up and burnt the stack... it was epic... small video here

(yes that is a gasoline can in the video.. I ran a trail of it away from the fire and that is what almost got me)

and of course some pictures of the backyard as of today so far

Had to fix the trampoline when my buddy decided he'd jump on it

(Guy in the Middle also nicknamed SHREK)
.

As of this afternoon this is where it is at..
.

I have some raking to do on the pea gravel (probably named for play areas cause kids pee on it haha), but now we can breath a sigh of relief cause we aren't having to constantly make sure we don't have any floaters in our backyard... by floaters I mean kids face down in the water style... Due to this...

(we actually dug the trench after my sister asked about pools for Anthony to swim laps in)
.

thats it...

Bye

and another

2010-08-02T20:53:00.001-05:00

Racist Microwave Buyer

Posted at: 2009-11-16 13:02:45

Original ad:
WANTED - Microwave
I am looking for a used microwave. WHITE ONLY

From Me to *********@************.org:

I have a LG microwave that I want to sell for $30. I am aware that your ad said whites only, but I am an African American. I sincerly hope that this won't be a problem for you, and we can put race issues aside and just do business.

Thank you,
Jamal

From Amy ****** to Me:

I am so sorry that you misread my ad. I meant the microwave should be white, because it would match my kitchen.

Amy

From Me to Amy ******:

Oh, so because I am black, you think that I can't read? It really is amazing that the world we live in is still so racist. I'm sorry, but your insults have left me feeling sick. I don't think I can sell my microwave to a bigot.

Sincerely offended,
Jamal

From Amy ****** to Me:

I wasn't suggesting that you couldn't read. I'm not racist. If you read my whole email you would see that the ad was looking for a white microwave, not a white person. I changed the ad to avoid any confusion.

Amy

From Me to Amy ******:

So now you think that because I am black, I am too lazy to read your whole e-mails. Your racism is overwhelming. You will never get my microwave from me. I will, however, sell you a burning cross for your next klan meeting. Does $20 for the cross sound fair?

From Amy ****** to Me:

I can't write anything without you being offended! I give up!

From Me to Amy ******:

So you don't want the microwave?

From Amy ****** to Me:

Will you still sell it to me?

From Me to Amy ******:

I would never sell anything to a racist.

From Amy ****** to Me:

Ugh I'm done with you.

More funny emails

2010-08-02T19:36:00.001-05:00

Handicapped Movers

Posted at: 2009-06-18 10:09:18

Original ad:
I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won't fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.

From Mike Anderson to *********@**********.org
Good afternoon!

I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Mike,

I'm sorry, but I don't think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don't think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.

Jerry

From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,

I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me

Oh man...

I don't hate handicapped people. I really just don't see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?

I apologize, but next time you shouldn't tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.

Jerry

From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,

Don't tell me how to raise my son. You don't see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can't do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You'd be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again.

I don't have the heart to tell him that he won't be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me

You've got to be kidding me. This conversation is over.

Funny Emails

2010-08-02T19:35:00.000-05:00

Disguised Weapons

Posted at: 2010-02-09 06:06:07

Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter

From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Here you go:

Looks like a normal spoon, right?

Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can f*** off.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:

At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.

Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.

This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

youre a f&&*&*g dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother *******. I hope you get hit by a car. ***** off, eat ***t, and die.

Math class

2010-07-20T11:27:00.001-05:00

I don't know about you but a warm thermostat setting, little sleep and math makes me want to close my eyes and sleep..

Then there is Josh.. He is supposed to be my main support in Math... No help at all!!!

At least after class we get to take the kids to see Toy Story 3

Yayayayayayay

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Loring Greenway,Minneapolis,United States

Journey - 1st leg

2010-07-06T12:32:00.001-05:00

Well let's just say that Paris would be great if it wasn't for the French people... Hahaha

Not sure if that's just how they talk to people, but if I talked to people like they do I would be an asshole.. Oh wait! Ha ha maybe that is the lesson God wanted to teach me?!?!!!!

So our journey began in MN at around 3pm on Tuesday 30th... We get to Paris after a nice flight.. Which for about an 8hr flight seemed very short... To be greeted by very pretty French ladies that became ugly when they opened their mouths!

While trying to figure out where our luggage was etc I was 'yelled' at (spoken to very obnoxiously) about some tickets I was given for our luggage... Anyway after sitting in check in for about 7 hrs we got thru then sat for another 2 to board the plane... But we got here... Then got stuck in custs for an hr but that will be another post...

I'm not sure I even posted this but here goes hahaha there will be no other follow ups

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Mauritius

3 of 4

2010-07-06T12:27:00.001-05:00

A little picture of my 3 oldest.. Keira was eating dinner.. And these 3 wanted to show of their pyjamas...

Oh and I am typing this in Math class... Hehehe

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

WOW

2010-07-05T13:57:00.001-05:00

Its been a while since I posted which is cool cause I usually update Facebook, Twitter and royally piss idiots off over there enough not to bother with a blog.. but I figured Id better post something in case they delete my account...

Karen keeps up a way better blog anyways.. check it out

http://theozmericanlife.blogspot.com

.

Interesting!!

2010-05-31T17:09:00.000-05:00

Interesting selection of fireworks or explosive materials found in a food store ;)

Prayers desired...

2010-05-31T16:46:00.000-05:00

just letting you all know I would love your prayers... After discussions with Karen, I have decided to continue on in studies full time and pursue a degree in the Machinist and CNC Technology field... I love working with Metal and welding, I love tinkering and making stuff work etc.. but without training its expensive making mistakes that could be easily remedied with knowledge... So my desire is that in 10yrs I will have a bunch of equipment in my workshop that I will be able to make/machine pretty much anything I need too and be able to make a side living off of that..

After finishing off my welding certificate, there just isnt any real good jobs out there as the retard President has pretty much destroyed business and manufacturing to build government and social welfare instead... but the demand is still very high for people with CNC/Milling experience and more so for those who can program them... even in the welding field automated robotics is taking over more and more..

Every senior graduating this quarter has jobs except for 2 that dont want one... and the class following which still has a year to go I believe have 50% placement already.. compared to the welding class I graduate out of in 3 weeks... I have a welding job that is welding when needed, but more warehouse job that will never allow me to earn more $$$ then I am at (no growth etc)... So with my welding ability and the ability to run machines I would have a better chance of great employment...

Prayers are needed as we will be financially stretched.. EVEN MORE SO.. but we both feel this is a smart move for future livelihood... or I stay as a bum picking up menial jobs that dont satisfy...

Woman shot in the head

2010-05-31T12:28:00.000-05:00

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car.

He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is blonde, a Democrat and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.

God loves drunk people too

2010-05-23T07:58:00.001-05:00

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing
In the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you
remember about three months ago when we broke down, and
those two guys helped us? .

I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
God loves drunk people too.

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.

Simplest things make a day

2010-05-16T21:42:00.000-05:00

For Keira it is a cupcake....

Go into the garage, give her a cupcake, she sits on the ground and all I hear while she shoves it in her mouth is

"Ooooooooh Yeeeeeeeah!"

one of those things you wish you caught on video..

CBS DIDN'T STOP HIM- THIS IS GREAT

2010-05-07T09:34:00.001-05:00

Good for him!!!

Surprised CBS let him get away with this, even though he's right!

Andy Rooney said on '60 Minutes' a few weeks back:

'I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America ; and see what happens... Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE ?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the above lines..

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan
programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop,
trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich; I don't pity the poor.

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching
them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid
and say 'NO!' when necessary.

I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political
statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly
infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of 'Political Correctness.' I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa, so how can they be 'African-Americans'? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from
Europe . I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough...

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

What is this.. Shade in our Yard!!

2010-04-21T20:34:00.000-05:00

Well Mark gave us some trees.. awesome as we lived in a field and had no wind break or shade..

this was such a blessing as buying trees is very expensive... for a tree that is about 6ft tall you would likely pay $100 + depending.. the trees we have I would guess would easily sell for $300+ a piece... We just had to pay the tree mover to move them all...

Mark is building a workshop at his house and needed to clear trees for it... so we got the call

Thank you Mark...

well you know what comes next......

I asked Karen where this thing was when Wayne and I dug the holes for the apple trees...

Now you see this coming up the driveway (above and below)

so while the kids do this... (Keira trying to push Jentzen) I will enjoy this.. in the shade

Only in Illinois

2010-04-16T18:57:00.000-05:00

People in Kankakee County , Illinois have a warped sense of humor.

It must be something in the coal-infused water.

This is the pull off at SR 17 and Hopkins Park Rd.

A deer was hit there.

The couch was dumped there previously.

Day two the deer was on the couch.

Day three the end table and lamp showed up.

Day four the TV and TV stand showed up.

The Trooper had to call IL DOT because of all the people stopping to take pictures.

The cardboard caption in front of the deer on the couch reads,

"Sorry Hunters. Obama ruined healthcare.We can't afford to have injured hunters on our conscience, so I'm staying home!

Sorry,

The Deer

Riding with Dad

2010-03-25T19:33:00.000-05:00

Man I am so proud of Quaid.. so far he has biffed twice.. both at slow speeds and no crying.. ha ha.. but he is really digging riding the bikes... he loves to go straight across the field to the big mud puddles...

2 days ago he went through a big puddle after biffing it 2mins earlier in some mud.. I went through and went to turn around to watch him go through, making sure he didnt fall over.. well here he already comes, legs wide apart for stability (like I told him) flat throttle.. sideways.. yes the bikes was sliding along the mud edge throwing a small rooster tail of mud.. so mad I didnt have my phone on me to catch a video of it...

anyways... here is a pic of the boys on their toys..

fun times...

If you needed just one more reason NOT to eat McDonalds

2010-03-19T18:00:00.000-05:00

ok..

burger on the left is from 1996 the one on the right is from 2008

the article 12yr old mcdonalds burger

1yr old happy meal

http://consumerist.com/2010/03/this-1-year-old-happy-meal-has-aged-surprisingly-well.html

bionicburger

New Toy

2010-03-19T09:26:00.000-05:00

So a few months back we bought Rich and Laura's old little dirt bike for the kids.. well Quaid for now until the others get bigger...

So yesterday we loaded up the kids (was an amazing day for March) and set off on a journey around Minnesota looking at Bike shops for helmets and used bikes.. We set Karen's favorite tool.. the GPS and off we went.. needless to say Karen always says the GPS gets us lost.. I disagree..

and it got us LOST... well not lost... but took us to the address I selected.. was supposed to be The Hitching Post.. it was Shannahnays Boutique or something... oh well.. onto the next address... AGAIN we ended up somewhere where the store wasnt... oh wait.. this wasnt the GPS's fault... it was user error.. you know where you dont double check the data you input.. FYI.. when you type in an address.. where you put the WEST is important...

Well anyways.. we found the bike store and got Quaid a bounty of safety gear.. basic stuff... Helmet, gloves, knee and elbow pads... It was fun watching him so giddy like a .... well KID... happy that he is excited to ride motorcycles...

Excited may be an understatement.. sad part was he didnt get to try it all out yesterday when we got home...

the reason!!!

Dad was running around town... (back to where we ran around all day... dang it) looking and buying himself a bike to ride with him.....

Quaid was such a great kid.. he kept his chin up when I said I was going and he wouldnt get to ride his bike.. He is learning that giving attitude when things dont go his way doesnt work in his favor... He still cant hide his emotions (he is a sensitive little guy) which is awesome, but he controls his reaction really well...

When I informed him of this he said ok dad, his smile went to a frown, his chin dropped and he went to go to his room... so I stopped him, gave him a cuddle and said..

"Hey.. I am going to try to buy a bike for me so we can ride together.. all over the field instead of just the driveway."

He smiled and yelled .... YEAH!!!!

Unfortunately today it has gone from 65*F yesterday to so far its reached 33*F (30*F is freezing)... so again his bike riding hopes are dashed for now...

So I put Ava on the bike and as soon as she sat on it she grabbed the throttle and twisted... yeah.. I was running along side of her trying to keep up so I could slow her down.. so that settles it.. she isnt ready to ride by herself.. ha ha

Jentzen got on with me, and pretty much as soon as it started moving... he was screaming WOOOOOO WOOOOO then it got up to speed and he leaned forward and yelled... YEEEHHHHAAAAAAAW

and of course as you can see from the picture... Keira just jumped right on.. grabbed the handles like a pro and smiled....

some comments I have received:

* Hope your insurance is up to date

* You really dont know what you have gotten yourself into

* Are you sure you wanna buy that

* (me) See you in Class Monday (classmate) Might not if you ride that thing

Miss Monkey Girl

2010-03-13T12:10:00.001-06:00

Addition to this posting here

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Republican Car

2010-03-10T09:38:00.001-06:00

We were out shopping yesterday for a new ride. Just for fun, I took a Cadillac Escalade out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that Escalade "feel" before they become extinct...

The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and all its wonderful options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats
directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

I stated the car must be a Republican car. Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican car. I explained that if it were a Democrat car, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.

I had to walk back to the dealership...

(not a true story... Just funny)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

White kids dancing... um okay

2010-03-06T21:17:00.000-06:00

what else can I say?!?!?!

Operating Systems

2010-03-05T17:24:00.003-06:00

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and  Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1..

Conversation 8.0
no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE ,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while  Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to  Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the  Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend

Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7..

Good Luck!
Tech Support
If all fails uninstall husband 1.0 & return to Boyfriend 5.0

Helmet Airbrushing wanted

2010-03-05T16:12:00.000-06:00

cant seem to upload it rotated...

busy

2010-03-02T22:49:00.000-06:00

Nothing much to add... been way to busy helping out everyone on top of school and family life.

Started welding Aluminum this week.. LOVE IT!!!

I do have some pics somewhere.. need to take more...

thats about it..

Fish Follow Up

2010-02-17T21:50:00.000-06:00

Nope they arent dead...

When Quaid asked, in such a pure way about us buying him another fish, without nagging or whining, but purely poured out his little hearts desire that we could not resist. It wasnt an extravagant request out of spoiled attitude or fleshly desire, it was simply a request, but it made me think tonight while I was showering.

It made me think about how when we truly seek our Father in Heaven with a pure heart, He truly desires to grant what we ask for. Not because we asked for things, but because out of the pureness of our desire we asked what He already wants to give us.

Then of course we get way more then we ever thought we asked for, because it was His gift not our selfish desire that was fulfilled...

So to sum it all up.. Quaid asked.. now Ava and Jentzen also received that blessing then to top it off my buddy from welding class gave them this tonight.. he even stayed later after fixing his car setting it all up!!

Thanks Burgi.

As you can kinda see... they had their stools set up in front watching them for some time.. Aaah the simplicity of a child... amazing..

Kids having fun

2010-02-14T16:37:00.000-06:00

I got to stay home with the kids today as Karen was working...

Jentzen was spinning on this thing for about 10 mins straight... not sure how he didnt get dizzy

Paris..... Hotel Booked

2010-02-01T18:30:00.000-06:00

..............

Karen made me do it!!

2010-01-29T22:15:00.000-06:00

its true... I didnt want to do it....

Not sure what I should title this one

2010-01-24T11:53:00.000-06:00

I walk to the kitchen while the kids are eating lunch... and I hear Jentzen say something that made me stop...

Jentzen.... "When I say Hairy, you say ........ C**k"

back back about 10 mins, and picture the kids reciting hip hop... not your typical hip hop, but I would say..

"When I say quiet you say, eat yo lunch!"

Quiet................ them "Eat your Lunch"

fast forward to me standing their bewildered..

I ask.. What did you say... after all the kids repeat it multiple times, it still doesnt make a difference or no other saying seems to fit that maybe he just got wrong (which Jentzen does all the time)...

So J says.. "it was on the big screen..."

Me: It was.. what a Hairy C**k.... where'd ya learn that word...

No Dad says Quaid... he means Harry..

yeah they were watching Hip Hop Harry and Jentzen I guess improvised many other hip hop sayings.. this was the ball breaker so to speak ;)

Wow.. 3 yr olds can mis-speak sooooo bad... ha ha ha

Curiosity of Kids

2010-01-20T19:17:00.001-06:00

There's an APP for that..

2010-01-19T09:07:00.000-06:00

Man you have got to love iPhones.... limitless possibilities...

Remote Helicopter controlled with iPhone

Dont TAZER oneself

2010-01-18T22:35:00.001-06:00

A post I came across while reading one of my car threads...

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.

The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd
get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the
prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But,
if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy
AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best ...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD .. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ....!!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one
note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three
second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.s... My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

Kids Dancing

2010-01-18T20:25:00.001-06:00

Keira and the Vacuum Cleaner

2010-01-18T20:18:00.001-06:00

Cow Poop Bean Bag

2010-01-18T17:26:00.000-06:00

Gets what she wants

2010-01-10T12:46:00.001-06:00

being that she climbs on Everything....

Keira eating Jentzens mess from dinner...

-- Post From My iPhone

Laughing at another's Misfortune

2010-01-05T14:53:00.001-06:00

Well I know.. Already you are getting ready to chastise me, but you also know that you want to read on and have a laugh yourself...

Well lets just say with all the money spent on tuition at our school, none of it is budgeted toward salting the walkways...

Walking between classes this morning there were four of us, walking and talking when as we came a to a driveway into our building it slopes, so I stepped up the slope a little to some dry pavement when I heard a weird noise and then an uuuugh!!! I turned around as the other two guys were talking to see that there was no longer 3 people standing behind me... But two...

What made it funnier was if I hadn't of turned around to look the other two probably would have kept walking inside... Alvin land with his knee first then onto his back... Didn't even have chance to brace himself.. or take his arm out of his pocket.. when he landed he landed on top of his arm and couldnt roll over as it was either uphill or on his arm which he was laying on... looked like a turtle on his back.

Even funnier is the other guy in the pic fell over twice before class yesterday, and both times didn't even have chance to say 'Oh crap'.

Yep... Then at lunch another mate slipped and landed in a snowbank (aka ice wall)..,

Finally today at 1:30 they were salting down the sidewalks... Dumbasses..

-- Post From My iPhone

Keira playing with Noisy Putty stuff

2010-01-04T19:02:00.001-06:00

Was kinda funny as she found Jentzen's open bottle of farting putty stuff, its real soft and gooey but not sticky... and she was walking around all night pushing her hand in it as it farted, then I came out of the workshop to find her in the Toy Room alone trying to get it back in the container... The funny thing about it is she never tries to put something back, but she must have sat there for over 5 mins till I caught it on tape, trying to get it all back int eh bottle.. was kinda funnier watching I guess..

Well it's official...

2009-12-31T12:36:00.001-06:00

Living in Redneck land has come to fruition

It was bound to happen eventually ha ah ah aha

-- Post From My iPhone

It's CHRISTMAS

2009-12-24T15:22:00.001-06:00

BAH FRIGGIN HUMBUG...

that is all...

Have a safe Holiday all... and a wonderful time with your families as you celebrate the Life and Death of our Savior!

some of my ringtones...

2009-12-07T17:31:00.001-06:00

White And Nerdy - The best bloopers are here

Wow... what a year brings..

2009-12-06T23:45:00.000-06:00

an old video I made to announce Keira's birth at Youth Group.

Jentzen joins in

2009-12-06T23:25:00.001-06:00

a preview of things past

2009-12-06T22:50:00.000-06:00

seeing as we haven't gotten any decent snow yet... thought I'd relive my fun from a few years back..

trying a new video setup

2009-12-06T15:14:00.001-06:00

trying to see if using youtube is better for videos on here.. seems to work better for watching, just not getting them onto youtube...

Problem Solved

2009-12-04T11:42:00.001-06:00

I have told Karen DAILY that I am sick of cleaning this crap up... every day I have the kids Keira digs the decoration stuff out and throws it all over... The day Karen bought it home the first words out of my mouth,

"Did you forget you have a 1 yr old crawling around?"

Karen... "What do you mean?"

"Um.. she will dig that crap out and throw it everywhere!!!!!!"

So needless to say I have had enough... problem solved...

that is till Karen comes home and takes it off.. ha ha

Little more Keira

2009-12-03T11:57:00.001-06:00

Further & Further Everyday

2009-12-01T23:47:00.001-06:00

She thinks she is the ants pants... Most times she does it with her tongue hanging out...

Right click icon - Open file

What a hand.

2009-11-26T13:57:00.001-06:00

Right click, open file to play

OK.. time to actually write something

2009-11-21T16:59:00.000-06:00

Well I figured seeing all I usually do is post a video or something, the reason for that is I have tweaked my iPhone to be able to send videos (not able to from factory) and then post to the blog... it is fun to play but I end up having to edit it on my pc anyways.. that was until i downloaded Blogger for my iPhone which directly hooks into my blog dashboard and allows editing on the fly.. although on my pc will always be easier.

Ally, I will give a list of programs you NEED to add to your iPhone.. of course without the jailbreak, as basically if you aren't familiar around the phone and pc operations you will be lost... ha ha

So welding school is almost done for the 1st term/third/ trimester or whatever they call it... we have a little over 1 week left and I am done with all my grading... ie: we have to have at least 3 acceptable welds in each welding genre and styles... example.

OAW aka Oxygen Acetylene Welding (torch)
SMAW aka Shielded Metal Arc Welding (stick)
GMAW aka MiG welding... Gas Metal Arc Welding..
TiG (we didnt do this term so nothing on this one) aka Tungsten Inert Gas Welding, the main welding style that I signed up to learn...

In each of the forms of welding, we had to pass, Butt joint, T-joint, Lap Joint and corners. In MiG we also had to complete each of these in vertical, both up and down welding. (some examples)

T-Joint horizontal - Stick

Corners Horizontal - Stick

T-joint Horizontal triple pass stick

MiG weld Corners Up Vertical

George - Welding Teacher

It's funny, there were a few guys in the first few days who talked so much %$*# about how good they were and how much they knew, and most of them are always the last to finish or get passed their sign off. There is one kid who at Orientation was kinda ostracized from the welding table and sat somewhere else... I went and sat with him, heck I figured I was spending the next 9mths in a class with him I may as well get to know him. Turns out the kids was home-schooled, and had never touched a welder before.. when I asked him why he chose welding.. His response was "I figured I wanted to do something that didnt mean using my brains...!" Part of me felt insulted, another part of me laughed... little did he know what really is involve with welding other then melting metal.

I for sure thought this kid would drop out... but to this day he has continued to excel.. actually at times he does some pretty amazing welds.. The first few days in class were rough, as the teacher and most the class people tend to drop a lot of words that would make a sailor blush... and when they found out he was a christian it almost became open season on him, but he hasnt reacted to anyone so they respect him... I applaud him for being more open then I am about his faith... I guess I just try to walk mine out and let it show (my excuse - not sure if I am doing it well).

So being that he has shown some true character I gave him a set of Welpers.. (welding pliers) as the things he had just arent up to the job, and another guy gave him an electric helmet but it gave him headaches so he gave it back. All in all he is a good kid. Also we have at least 3 guys that have done time on various charges... ha ha.. I get on well with them all.. fun guys... just made bad choices. We had 1 girl in our class but she left for some reason to do with personal life... bummer cause she was kicking a lot of the guys asses and the teacher let us know about that too... ha ha

What else, well I decided to paint the rims on my car. It is the simplest and cheapest mod that makes such a huge difference. I was looking to sell my Forester, but after watching Karen come up the driveway in it, I just can't do it.. so the van will go when we have the right timing... ha ha ha. I want to get either an earlier model Montero (Pajero) or a Landcruiser (which is my preferred choice). All I need is some new suspension in mine, a turbo update and some tuning.. ha ha ah...

Well I am fried now.. ha ha ah too much thinking and typing...

See Ya

She is getting VERY VERY close

2009-11-21T12:51:00.001-06:00

remember - right click, open video...

More of Keira

2009-11-16T09:02:00.001-06:00

remember: right click on Q then open source...

Ava the chauffeur

2009-11-16T08:55:00.001-06:00

remember: right click on Q then open source...

Ah, reminds me of Mum launching Quaid

2009-11-16T08:46:00.001-06:00

d

right click open file

After my bad news received....

2009-11-12T11:12:00.001-06:00

I can enjoy little things in a different way... Make the most of my kids growing and learning etc....

R.I.P my Friend.

2009-11-10T19:46:00.000-06:00

Well I sit here tonight dumbfounded.. I received a call from my Dad in Australia, informing me an old buddy had been killed in a plane crash. Eddie was the pilot, and he left behind a wife and 2 beautiful little girls.

I am really lost for words, as obviously I hadnt seen Eddie for about 10yrs, but had conversed online every now and then, and every time we did it was like teh last day we had seen each other.. nothing had changed.. well not much.. We had both grown older, married, had kids and gotten fatter... so a few things had changed.

I met Eddie through his sister Evelyn. She was attending Bond University (where I met my wife) and Eddie had come to Sydney to study aviation. We got to know each other when he came to visit Evelyn one weekend and we hung out. Then he came back a month later and stayed like 2 weeks at our house... well it was my Sisters house, but they took us in. Eddie and my brother in-law would joke back and forth about each others noses and other physical things... My sister's jaw dropped when on the first night of meeting Eddie, she informed him that his room was downstairs, then Eddie proceeeded to stand up and say in an old southern negro voice...

"Yes Master, thank you kindly Massssssssster, You sure treat this boy nice Maaster... "!!

I have quite a few great stories about Eddie... in such a small amount of time spent with him...

Probably one of the top 3 fighting the Circumcision story for 2nd place is the time we were at Pacific Fair Shopping Center. We were there a little after the retail stores had closed. Mike Klease, Eddie and myself were walking past the stores when I spotted an empty shopping cart... So we dared Eddie to jump in... (being new to being in Australia like 2mths) we were always getting him to do things or telling him freaky things to watch out for... Anyways, he got in teh cart and we were pushing him along when this elderly couple stopped to stare at us... when I looked at them and said...

"Hey these N**** are on sale... right down there.. You best be getting there before they are all sold out!"

Needless to say Eddie laughed so hard that the old couple's jaws hit the ground and they walked off really quick.. where he proceeded to yell.. please Mister..hurry so they dont sell my sisters!!! or something... ha ha h

Eddie I will miss you my friend. I look forward to the day that we meet again. My heart and prayers go out to your family.

All Ava's doing

2009-11-05T17:47:00.001-06:00

Love clean cars

2009-11-04T16:56:00.001-06:00

How long till she walks...

2009-11-01T11:14:00.001-06:00

Any guesses......

Bye Bye Nana

2009-10-29T08:16:00.001-05:00

Dropped Mum at the Airport this morning... she is in the black,
center page above the LARGE lady in purple.. ha ha

2009-10-26T11:58:00.001-05:00

2009-10-25T10:54:00.001-05:00

Severs Corn Maze corn pit

2009-10-24T19:18:00.001-05:00

right click and open source

You spin me right round baby right round....

2009-10-24T19:09:00.001-05:00

right click and open source

You spin me right round baby right round....
like a record baby right round right round...

Kids are so gullible..... er funny

2009-10-23T18:06:00.000-05:00

So its been raining all day, and even though it is like 40F outside Karen sent em out to play... so they found every puddle and Jentzen had mud all over...

I was taking pics, so I told them to go stand next to the HUGE puddle beside the driveway... after directing them from my running car... (note the running car) and shuffling them forward then back, then sideways then saying perfect DONT MOVE....

I put the car in Drive and drove thru the puddle at about 25mph...

Picture a 6ft Wave crashing over 3ft kids... filled with MUDDY WATER!!!! (see below for example)

What makes it even funnier was I called Karen on my cell as I put the car in gear and said, wanna see something REEEEEALLY funny?? watch the kids... (she couldnt see me as I was around the other side of the house, and all she could see was the kids lining up from the front door....)

I admit, I do feel a little bit guilty for my actions.. especially seeing as I laughed so hard I was crying....

2009-10-22T18:42:00.001-05:00

2009-10-22T18:40:00.001-05:00

Some recent pictures

2009-10-17T20:04:00.000-05:00

My teacher...

Keira playing with a squash ball

Pumpkin painting in Daddy's workshop...

Jentzen is all about style not comfort... ha ha ah

Jentzen just chills like a dude Yep... you know what Daddy is thinking about

Went to the Como Zoo today...

ALL the kids had fun... yes ALL!!!!

Ok thats enough for this posting... picture overload.....
.
.

Teaching Kaz to change tires

2009-10-17T19:29:00.001-05:00

you may have to right click and open video

hmmm

2009-10-13T19:30:00.001-05:00

Well apparently I had started a blog about 4 years ago.. ha ha so I merged them both.. the posts are in teh archives.. pretty funny actually..

2009-10-13T18:28:00.001-05:00

you may have to right click and open video

Jentzen playing in my chair

2009-10-13T18:25:00.001-05:00

you may have to right click and open video

Birthday Dinner at Ok Corral

One for the Kids

2009-10-09T09:07:00.001-05:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Lil something for my baby

2009-10-09T00:12:00.001-05:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

I want one of these

2009-10-05T21:15:00.001-05:00

.
.

-- Post From My iPhone

Chutes & Ladders

2009-10-05T21:11:00.001-05:00

Fun times with the kids...

...

-- Post From My iPhone

2009-10-05T19:06:00.000-05:00

some pics for a guy on my local club..

Welding tour

2009-09-30T13:10:00.001-05:00

Went on a walk to see some jobs our teacher had worked on downtown...

He didn't weld these but I just took some snaps...

.

-- Post From My iPhone

SMAW pt2

2009-09-29T17:10:00.001-05:00

2nd day at stick welding and got some improvements.

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the shiny one was the teachers, then I started getting it...

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Post From My iPhone